Watch Me Prove Your Content Writers Know Zippo About Direct Response

David Ogilvy said direct response was his secret weapon. He said anybody interested in advertising should begin by writing direct response.

He could read any copy and tell immediately if it was written by somebody who knew how to craft direct response copy, which is hard selling content that most people assume they have on their websites and landing pages.

They shouldn’t assume.

I’m going to take this opening sentence that I chose at random from Progressive Insurance and show you how the copywriter could make it lead to more conversions than it does now.

“With Progressive’s specialized boat insurance coverage, you can relax knowing you have coverage for your boat or personal watercraft.”

I’m seeing this sentence for the first time, just like you are. Here are my suggestions:

First, Do Away with Ambiguous Words and Phrases

“Specialized boat insurance”

This works in a Blue Book exam, but not in our era of skepticism. “Specialized” in this case isn’t fluff – it’s referring to varieties of boat insurance based on the type craft – but at the outset there’s no time to tell me that…

…Why mention a word I can’t understand in your opening sentence?

If you think one word doesn’t mean anything, in direct response, every word costs or makes you money. Respect your reader and appeal to her with every word on the page. Otherwise you’re going to lose her.

Think of Tom Cruise screaming, “Show me the money!”

Four words stand between him and oblivion.

Online, it’s just one word.

Bring the Prime Benefit First

Apparently I, as a boat owner, am feeling antsy about my insurance coverage. Relieving my anxiety is Progressive’s primal benefit, and I should relax now because I can get coverage for my boat.

This is nonsense: “With boat insurance you can relax…because you’ll know you have boat insurance.”

I already know that I’m on a page about boat insurance and I expect to get it – therefore getting it isn’t a benefit.

You can’t lull me to click…

…Show me a pile of gold.

The first sentence should begin to answer my unasked questions about what separates Progressive’s boat insurance from competitors’ products, or what makes it better than going without insurance at all.

Use Data

Incidentally, here is where data is helpful:

If most people come to this website with insurance – what benefits can Progressive deliver better?

And, if most people come to this website without boating insurance – how can Progressive prove that buying insurance is better than going without?

Write About Your Client Before Your Company

Let’s try both. I’m going to include these points as well:

• Client benefit is the first phrase in the sentence.
• It’s the most exciting benefit of the product.
• The brand name only comes after the benefit.

Results

Which gives us:

“Save money when you insure your boat or personal watercraft with Progressive.”

Or

“Learn what you’re missing without Progressive’s boat or personal watercraft insurance.”

And the incendiary…

“You’ll pay more without Progressive insurance on your boat or personal watercraft.”

This isn’t the most elegant copy, but it’s gripping to someone looking for boat insurance, which is the only person it’s written for. You can induce someone to click by turning down their anxiety if it’s too high, or increasing it if it’s too low.

Saving money will bring relief to someone who is skittish.
Paying more will bring anxiety to someone who is complacent.

Progressive could win on this page if its direct response copy had a real, motivating benefit.

Flo’s ubiquitous presence in the insurance market means having weaker copy doesn’t hurt its bottom line.

But What About Your Business?

If you’re a smaller business with limited marketing channels you need to fight for every word attached to your brand.

Your secret weapon is direct response copy.